Insight

When i look back, i understand;

I understand how you took this for granted,
how my flaws overshadowed my true nature;
how time passed for me shamefully slow while you were gone.
how I despise my desicions that let you slip.
how I empty-headed and headstrong, would claim the prize in my head;
but wake from the dream, to a world of perplexion.
-how the failed struggle slit my mind..

I understand your happiness towards those times.
and to share it without words, was harsh.
to wake up, emptyhanded, in shades of gray
while the sun would shine for weeks outside my eyes
staying inside till the ice melted,
the dream died, I understand..

I understand the times where borders fell,
the anxiety within me built up a wall
I know I couldn't express it, I was afraid.
afraid to walk ahead into the fire,
too scared to carry out my visions..
-I understand now..

I don't understand why I am in this place now,
writing this text about you.
I cannot describe how sincere these emotions are..

I understand if you don't understand..

I understand that you've let it go.


I cannot let go..


I simply don't understand this feeling.