Insight

When i look back, i understand;

I understand how you took this for granted,
how my flaws overshadowed my true nature;
how time passed for me shamefully slow while you were gone.
how I despise my desicions that let you slip.
how I empty-headed and headstrong, would claim the prize in my head;
but wake from the dream, to a world of perplexion.
-how the failed struggle slit my mind..

I understand your happiness towards those times.
and to share it without words, was harsh.
to wake up, emptyhanded, in shades of gray
while the sun would shine for weeks outside my eyes
staying inside till the ice melted,
the dream died, I understand..

I understand the times where borders fell,
the anxiety within me built up a wall
I know I couldn't express it, I was afraid.
afraid to walk ahead into the fire,
too scared to carry out my visions..
-I understand now..

I don't understand why I am in this place now,
writing this text about you.
I cannot describe how sincere these emotions are..

I understand if you don't understand..

I understand that you've let it go.


I cannot let go..


I simply don't understand this feeling.

Seasons

Autums' birth, silhouettes form
darkness bind, beating calm
out to find, to take and leave
whistle-winds, lawnmowers cleave
those who mourn are still in wait
today is the first of summers fall.


Winter's grip, bleak and pale
all ambitions, will only prevail
in hibernation, in our darkened souls
in a snowclad pyre of burnt out coal
for the fresh and frozen lovers mind
today is the start of autums' death.


Springtime breathes, sleep subsides
within their minds, endless tides
writhing in joy, the rising sun
sanity entwine, a time has come
for blaze and power, light and lust
today is the day of winter's sigh.


Summer strides, momentum reclaims
the weakened state of froliced brains
adapting to life, with blood of addiction
swallowing sorrow, in more affliction
perceving time in a rythm of lust
This is the last day of spring.

Sleepy Mirrors

Mirrors mirroring a mirage of manipulated instances
breaking the majority of unclean and unconcerned cowled owls of unknown societies
scorned by an unclean ushering of yuppie cultists cultivating various untold truths;
about living life in a club gathering of galvanized realities


Mirrors creaking in orgasmic lockup sensations to the beat of a tedious epiphany
of yellow guns blazing and muzzleflashes muffled through hours of beholding beholders
of dearly prized and useless boulders
with golden corroded pricetags beneath the railroad tracks.
drawing another breath of smoke, drinking another beer, going back to sleep.

My Beautiful Shade

before a cleansing awakening in the hours before dawn
I realized doors once shut had reopened


by the gentle touch of aroural shadows of the night
I regained soil beneath my feet


as the sun strode from the jaded horizon
I reclaimed my halo


swirling in an endless confusing affinity 
and with jests and devils gone;
I drew a breath and accepted my flaws
expressed broken thoughts with a smile


came to terms with reality and broke through
while explaining in silence my dreams about you
how deeply these bring me joy and closure
and how I, when I wake up, 
remember nothing but the feelings 
connected to my constant reverie revolving around you


but.. this is only momentarily
when dawn breaks i forget everything about you
and carry on in an oblivious state of mind
only waiting for a sign of your presence again


you're the only one who really know me..


Goodnight my beautiful shade.


If only you knew me.

The Question

Do you remember those times? 

The days where you kept begging for answers
through your zealous restraints,
and eternal blaze

reading magazines with glasses of oak
loving, while scrutinizing your heartless desires
pretending to love the lands
as the folorn sun arose from your eyes
where winds were blown and seas spewed

-to the days where you sealed off your self-restraints
and danced into a void of luminous colours and shapes
preparing for the next, last aeon

while drinking the sweet liquors
lurking in flowerbeds
and mires dread,
hiding the tunstile of emotional thoughts.

-Do you remember those times?

where proud parents applauded your progress
and how you would laugh
till the last drop of sadness would slide off your cheeks

and how, from sacred confines,
you would rise anew to the doves chuckling in joy
and feel your feet on the ground,
burning with desire to continue down the road unknown.

will you remember these times?

when the dirt and mud
will rise to reclaim you and split you

when the rain will pour for weeks
removing all superficial features defining "you"

and lastly,
will you remain true and without regrets
be able to walk hand in hand with death

when the lonliest season strikes?


sweetheart, are you falling asleep again?

Update

HEY FOLKS! I just want to say thank you for reading my blog (if you're out there) !
I haven't really had a real update ever, but as it would seem, the time is right -

so, why not?

right now, in my daily life, i've been subject to a lot of stress and such unpleasanties,
but after some hard struggling, i'm back on my feet;
better, stronger and faster than ever before ;)

i'll of course continue to upload the best of my poems when inspiration strikes,
stay tunes, and enjoy yourself :)

-Jester

Subterranean Thoughts

I am lucrative, creative and feeding your needs to my toungue.

Feeling the pressure, creating

the measureing

Features to seek bearing pillars of toxic desires, my life!

Needing the surface

I am but the preacher

erase what i say

embrace your dispair

Unravel;

the slopes and the shivering piles of creation

subject to all of my pain and suggestions

leave to release the flood

subterrenean thoughts

I am supreme, the lingering breath in the wind reach your ears

neverending reign, correcting your cravings

-for bottomless lies you pay dearly, commencing your rage!

Yearning for freedom

within empty storage

well known expectations

doubtful desicion

-you know?

The slopes and the shivering piles of creation

subject to all of my pain and suggestions

leave to release the flood

subterrenean thoughts

So late

I yearn for a shade
within a crystaline wish,
through a shattered pathway
flaking memories in a puzzle of joy
and frost left in the wake of a reverie

atonement in the bleeding winds of change
and blooming flowers through the fields of time
where enteties would bond and break,
and clear voices, spoke the truth we fathomed,
housing the clean smell of happiness
and the echoing songs of yesterday

I collect myself
a mess of reflections
burdening sigh at the timelapse
sweet melodies dispurse in the breezes
guiding patterns in the falling snow


I miss you

The Arrival of Defeat

silently i wander these wastes
overburdened,
unfamiliar burning sensations
are causing through my face
a thousand ideas fall apart
in this corrosion of thoughts.

-and left in the wake of this stifling famine
I would silently ask myself;


how does one continue to wear the contures of joy
through such harsh conditions;
when the sun is giving up
and all motivation dissolves in ultimate doom?



How does one see inspiration;
when the vital rays of life have blackened for good,
and the sobriety is forcing your knees into the dirt?


how does one fuel the fire;
when the last pyre has weakended and withered
and the last feeble wishes inside
are burning out aswell?


how does one speak;
when the only words sought are silent
and those fluttered are of despise and hate,
how,
when your prayers are but meaningless howls?


how do I overcome?
when my every step becomes a mountain to climb,
and every second is an aeon passing by?


I ask myself this as i carry on
and yet-

I laugh, oh how i laugh.

this is indeed,
the arrival of defeat.

Your eyes

The poetry-form of a death-metal song i wrote a while back:




Black sun, a beckoning dawn
breaking, aggrevated lines in the thunder
slistering minds, devoid of names
immemorial trails beckon a new fall.


a fire strikes 
ripped asunder, left to smolder
spectators awed by the mayhem
a usurper rise to the call;


I exsist to reign
feeding lies to a dying populace,
masked scorn, rejoice
a well known idol
painful laughter in the shades of joy
gullible, featureless and enslaved
bleeding wishes dispursed
muffled laughter through the final exhalation of sanity.


lethargic motives entwine,
they tremble to their knees
awestruck and in peril 
in a pandemonium of extinction

- as the scelestial moon falls.




drenched in disease,
revoked hatred in dying eyes
fading moans, pyre of souls
coiled and weakened 
desperate prayers
in a flood of screams




-And so I saw your face, for the last time
veiled in a miasma of lies
I saw your eyes, for the first time
matters endued, but where are you?


i saw your eyes, for the first time
alit and sinister
spewing a burning realm.

Serenity

a single breath from you stir the fathomless oceans within my heart;

without a word fluttered, i am completely a mess.

reliefing me from my burdens, unyielding serinity,

i could observe your eyes through infinity.

perplexed by your presence, i would clasp in your beauty;

for what i behold, is truely beautiful.

and please regard my words as the truth, when i tell you about the vibrant fires inside of me,

how the countless emotions bound to my thoughts 

whisper your name from dawn to dusk, completing the cycle over and over again;

reminding myself to seek the warmth of your soul

the colours that span from your aura

and the lights you create so gently;

in order to collect myself once again.

wishing for the days to come  to strengthen my weakened legs;

whom before carried me through stifling seasons of winter and halcyon days

ironically, without a cause, nor a purpose

and left me with an eagles gaze

the world would see dawn break once again,

whereafter springtime crossed the invisible latitudes, revealing your existence;

revealing you.

Nostalgia

I have walked the nostalgic plains,

 seen the fields and lanes

the memories, of where we used to play, 

before adolesense usurped our utopic lands.

I wished for an inspiring dawn,

long before we met.

and the clean mesmerizing sweet birdsongs

wrote the act of our dreams, to overcome the road ahead of us.

A thought crossed my mind as i walked the nostalgic plains;

before night sweeped over the meadows

before pain, and before the truth would endue.

young eyes full of wonder

the wind trough the grass

with faces of glass. 

laughing and smiling at one another, and with hopes and dreams beneath fragility.

we ran and ran, and understood our positions

the lines became clear.

The nostalgic planes are now still; and forever will be.

you are in my thoughts,

allthough, i know we claim different goals.

and when the evening settles;

i shall remember you, my friend.

soon it is nightfall again.

The Yearning

The Yearning:

In my tongue, you are the deepest metaphor

In my breath, a divine infinie melody

in my eyes, the embodiment of joy

In my body, my weakness

In my thoughts, the purest entity

in my mind, my sanity

In my soul, my perplexion

In my dreams, my ascencion

In my world, an eclipse

As for my expectations, you are fellony

In my universe, you are my yearning, the completion.

In my concious state, you are everything.

Remember Now

Remember Now:

Turbulent thoughts

Through a pallour sunrise of living tissue 

injected through happy syringes, unyielding claims

A thinking, baptized, autumn of secrets in the sunlight

passing their murderous gaze.

Bestowed are their lies

Empty and starlit

Reflecting a craving

A chimera of Truce;

                                                               TRUTH?

                                                               TRUCE?

                                                               TRUTH?

                                                The Truth, the veil beyond

                                                              Compare.

                                                                Retain.

                                                                Reality.

Remember Now-